Pursuing Purpose for Pain

Life has changed immensely since my last update! I am now married to an amazing man and living in Charleston, South Carolina. We have been fortunate to not have any major damage from the last two hurricanes that came through the East coast. We were ordered to evacuate for Hurricane Florence but had work canceled for Hurricane Michael. The damage that was done from those hurricane’s is astronomical and incredibly sad. It is definitely a new experience for this west-coast girl.

One of the hardest things about moving to the East coast was not being close enough to help take care of Marcus. Even though I was living in Portland and him in Sumner/Carbonado for the past few years, I was able to drive up on the weekends to give my parent’s a break. During this chapter of life (because this is a chapter that will soon be over, with the next coming), I am unable to just drive home. It was hard for me to understand why God would pull me away from that. I know it was hard for mom as well. However, I know that God wants me in Charleston right now. I am incredibly content and loving the journey I am on with Jamaal, but my miss friends and family SO much.

Before I made the transition to the east coast, I knew that I would find a way to still help with Marcus’ care giving. I didn’t know how or what it would look like but I had been praying about it ever since I knew I’d be moving. Through relatives sharing our story, I was given the contact information for someone who was working on a project for families with loved ones who had Dementia. I reached out to him and quickly learned that I wanted to be a part of what they were doing and could see how our family could benefit from the project they were proposing.  

Essentially, the project involves “Eva”, a voice-activated software that helps people living with Alzheimer's and Dementia and provides relief to families and caregivers. We are one of the first (if not the very first) families to implement the program and are getting 1-on-1 service to personalize the program for Marcus. On a fundamental level, Eva picks up when Marcus says certain words and responds with content that I have loaded. For example, when Marcus starts to get irritated and says something that triggers a “melt down”, Eva would pick up on this and start playing his favorite song, movie clip or show a picture in order to divert him. The software is programmed into a tablet and mounted on the wall. I have worked with one of the designers since July and we’ve made some great adjustments in order to make it as resourceful and personal as possible. It truly is amazing and will help families in the care giving process. If you would like information, please let me know (marcimcgillivray@gmail.com) or check out the website at http://forsenthealth.ai.

Marcus’ care giving plan hasn’t changed much - Grandma Marion (and our Aunts and Uncles) help take care of him for a few days during the week while Mom works. He has good days and bad days. His “melt downs” are intense - lots of cuss words, name calling, crying and screaming. If he was instigated physically, he would engage. Thankfully, we know NOT to do this and so far, he hasn’t been physical. He is so confused. A simple gesture from someone can cause a major meltdown because “he just doesn’t get it”. We are constantly reminding ourselves that he does not have the capability to think “normally.” Yesterday’s meltdown is a perfect example:

Being 3-hours ahead of the west coast, I am often calling Mom around their dinner time. When I called yesterday, I knew something had happened. As soon as Mom answered the phone, she gave me “the look”. I asked how it was going and Marcus says in the background (very loudly) “I’m gonna kill someone, Marce”. Oh great. I know now he is having a melt down. As most of you know, my mother is not one to back down to intimidation from Marcus. She had a few words for him and he for her. I waited until there was a break in the conversation and asked to talk to “my bubba”. Oftentimes, I can get him to calm down enough to talk. As soon as Mom put the phone on him (we were on FaceTime), I saw that he had been crying. Many times when he gets upset, he doesn’t cry. He’s just VERY mad. This time, he was crying. He couldn’t translate why he was upset. He really couldn’t remember but he knew he was upset about something. Mom was able to tell me what happened:

Per the usual, when Mom picks him up from Grandma’s, she gets him the shower. He doesn’t shower unless he’s prompted to do so and even then, he can’t remember what to do when he is in the shower, so he requires help. One of the BIGGEST obstacles when getting him in the shower is getting his dirty clothes and washing them. He HATES changing his clothes. Very rarely, he is OK with the clothes being washed. 9 times out of 10, he throws a fit in the shower until we show him he has another set of the exact same clothes. He didn’t want his dirty clothes washed yesterday and this started the meltdown. After he got out of the shower and put his new clothes on, he was ready to go. As they were leaving Grandma’s, a friend of hers came to visit and pulled her car up next to Mom’s. Since there was a car in front of mom and to the side of her, she would have to put the car in reverse in order to leave. No big deal. Well, Marcus wasn’t having it. He aggressively motioned to Grandma’s friend for her to move her car. Mom told her the car was fine and that they were on their way out. She knew a bigger meltdown was coming. Mom starts to back the vehicle up and Marcus lost it. Swearing, screaming, utter confusion. He couldn’t understand why the car was parked there. Thankfully, no one saw this except Mom. As they were driving away, the swear words and name calling continued. He was so confused. At that point, Mom was done. She had had enough. She engaged in a yelling match with him, which Marcus took on the challenge. After a few minutes, Mom put on the silent treatment. Most of the time, no words are the best way to let Marcus digress and start to calm down. No matter how many times Mom tried to explain the simplicity of the situation, he just couldn’t understand.

After she told me what happened, I reminded Marcus that he is loved, safe, and that everything was OK. The more research I do on Dementia, the more I realize that outbursts are often a result of feeling unsafe, insecure, and incredibly confused. He was holding back tears as I was talking to him but eventually got to a point where we could carry on a conversation.

The poor kid is so confused. It’s very sad to see and very frustrating to deal with. What we see as very simple situations, his brain cannot comprehend. What is very simple problem-solving skills for us, is a major issue for him. When he can’t problem solve, he gets confused. When he gets confused, he gets anxious. When he gets anxious, he gets scared and communicates his fear with anger and emotional distress. He does not have the ability to function on an every-day level like we do and all the emotions are felt by him and his caregivers.

At this point, trying to find ways to help the care giving process is one of my major feats and participating with the “Eva” project is one step closer. I say this every time and I will continue to say it. Caring for Marcus is very hard. He is unpredictable. He is confused. He is not able to understand simple, everyday situations. It.Is.Hard. BUT, God continues to give his caregivers strength. Life truly is a journey and we know God has a purpose for the life he has given Marcus. As hard as it is to accept, there is no other choice. We will continue to pursue the purpose for this pain.

Christmas in Holland - McGillivray Christmas Letter

I can't believe its been almost a YEAR since I've updated this blog! Life is crazy, to say the least. I am now engaged to a wonderful man and am planning for a wedding. The journey with Marcus continues to be a roller-coaster - a ride that has no pattern. There are peaks and there are valleys. Marcus has gone through a series of genetic testing in order to help find answers as to why he is declining. Medications have been changed to try to help alleviate his anger outbursts. He continues to be more confused. Grandma and Mom had a conversation not too long ago of what his future is going to look like. It is unknown. It's even scary. But just when we find ourselves dwelling on these thoughts, we remember "But God." But God has a plan. But God has His hand on this journey. We always come back to "But God."

Marcus turned 30 this year! We had to remind him several times that it was his birthday. He's really not big on presents either (saves us all money though!). For his birthday, I made him a video of some of his favorite people telling him happy birthday. You can see his video under "Home Videos".

Mom's Christmas letter this year was inspired by a book she was reading, a book recommended by a friend. We pray this story is able to help you see things from a different perspective, no matter what difficult journey God has you on.

Do you know any control freaks? People who think they can control everything that is happening in their life and the life of their family? Someone who, all their life, thought that “When I grow up, I’m going to have a ‘normal’ family. A daughter, a son, then eventually a son or daughter-in-law, grand kids, an empty nest feeling of sadness, but then that passes and you enjoy being alone with your spouse. You get the visits from your children and grandchildren, but then they go to their own homes and your life is your own again.” Well I know someone just like that. It’s me! Or should I say it’s “kinda” not me anymore. I still have a finger or two holding on, but not too tight. It has been almost 10 years since Gary and I received the news of Marcus being diagnosed with Progressive Dementia. So many things have happened in these 10 years. Many, many good things, yet we are seeing a decline and I fight the battle of worrying daily about what is next.   I recently was reading a book that a friend gave me and I know for a fact that God had prompt her to give it to me. There was a chapter I was reading that totally made things clear to how I have been feeling and I just started to cry, or should I say, sob. It was describing me to a "T". I want to share it with you because I know that this can change a perspective for so many others journeying through life.

“When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy.

You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Colosseum. The Michelangelo. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.

It’s all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags, and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland??” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland, and there you MUST stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a “different” place. You must go and buy new guide books. You must learn a whole new language. You will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around……and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills…Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But….everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. For the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned!” The pain of that will never, ever, ever, go away….because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, very lovely things….about Holland.

(Author: Bill Bohline)

There are just some things I can’t control. I have learned that God does not deliver us all to Italy. Some of us wind up in Holland. There we will discover new things we never expected and we also learn that God speaks Dutch as well as Italian. In my early twenties, I was headed for “Italy”. Bags packed and on the plane. I was in control. I then landed in “Holland”. I didn’t get what I had wished for, but I now feel I have been given more than I had hoped for.

Gary and I want to live life to the fullest. Instead, we got life with Marcus and “the fullest” just means a little different than what we or some might think. If you’ve been around us lately with Marcus, you may have to exercise patience and understanding.  It’s getting hard to be in public or in a group setting with him. His filter is pretty much gone and he is very confused and gets agitated very easily. However, he is for the most part a very happy young man, and I pray that Gary and I can express to him how much we love him.

Marcus is, however, very excited about gaining a “brother-in-law” soon. We are beyond grateful and happy to have Jamaal Walton as our future son-in-law. He is truly a faithful man of God and his extended family is beyond wonderful. We look forward to seeing you all at the big celebration in June 2018.

Merry, Merry Christmas to you all! Because of all of you, our hearts are continually being blessed.

Gary & Jan

Answered Prayer - A Christmas "Thank You"

A Christmas "Thank You" to Marcus' Grandma, Caregiver and our Answered Prayer

Below is my mom's (Jan) Christmas Letter to all our friends and family

Dec. 16, 2016

I apologize that I am not able to send out our annual Christmas "up-to-date letter" on Marcus. Although I love this time of year, I found it to be difficult to write a letter this year. Marci has been keeping you all semi up-to-date on our doctors’ appointments and such.  She also sends out the "funny" videos.  We also try to record some of the tough and exhausting outbursts to send to his doctors, but aren't quite ready to send them all to you, as his language is not exactly rated G.  

First and foremost, I want you all to know that we SO appreciate all the great comments and responses to Marci's updates.  It really does encourage us.  Some days are great, some days are good, and some are just plain bad. 

Words cannot begin to explain how amazing of an answer to our prayers that my mom, Marion, has been.  In spite of, this year, her losing 3 siblings and her husband of 53 1/2 years, she is the best caregiver we could have ever asked for.  Besides that fact that she truly loves Marcus, she does a great job in "negotiating" when he seems to be nonnegotiable.  Once again, I say that Gary and I aren't good at the negotiating, defusing, etc.  Grandma has the touch.  She says that Marcus gives her purpose, and I am glad for this, because I still, at times, wonder why I question God's plan. 

Mom and Marcus have an evening ritual of playing Phase Ten (card game), Karroms, learning the state capitals, and their own version of a spelling bee.  I love that she takes time to do that.  When he is at home with us, he always asks me why I can't be "nice" like grandma.  I try to explain to him that I need to stay a little mean so that he will want to go to grandmas.

So, I just want to personally say, "I love you mom, for loving Marcus so much, even though there are times when his actions are so hard to love. You truly are an answer to prayer.”

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love, The McGillivray’s 

Dear Brother: Happy 29th Birthday!

Marcus turned 29 on October 22nd. He didn't realize it was his birthday, but we made sure to remind him throughout the day. I oftentimes will write down thoughts that I wish Marcus could understand. Instead of telling him, I write him letters. I imagine Marcus reading these letters when his mind is healed. This may not be in our lifetime. He may read them in Heaven. Either way, I want him to know how loved he is.

October 22, 2016

Dear Brother,

Today we celebrated your birthday. You turned 29 years old. You woke up this morning not knowing it was your birthday. I was excited to tell you. When I asked you what day it was, you said “October 21st because that is what my watch says”. I reminded you that your watch was one day behind and that it was, in fact, October 22^nd, which meant it was your birthday. When you hear “October 22^nd”, your immediate response is “October 22^nd, 1987”. Actually, it was October 22^nd, 2016, which meant you were 29 years old.

At 29 years old, you are struggling. You have Dementia. You’ve had it for quite some time now. It’s getting harder and harder for you to remember things. You are always confused on what day or time it is. You wake up and want your morning coffee. I got you a coffee cup with our picture on it for your birthday because I know how much you love your morning coffee. After you drink your morning coffee, you usually want to read your Sports Illustrated magazine. Mom has to help you shower first, though. We can’t be having a stinky, 29-year-old. You usually adhere to this, but not without some bribing that you need to change your clothes after you shower. We can’t stay in our Pajama’s all day, brother.

At 29 years old, you have major anger outbursts. You get very confused on things and oftentimes, it translates to anger. You yell, swear, call us mean names and cry. Sometimes you cry really hard, and mom or dad has to hug you so you calm down. After it’s all over, though, you forget about it. Sometimes you are sorry, although you don’t know why. It’s hard to watch you when you have these moments. It’s very hard.

At 29 years old, I know how much you love me, your sister. You love to talk to me on the phone. You love to Face-time with me; although, I mostly think you like to see your face on the phone as opposed to mine. You always want to go places with me, in the “Mazda”. You like to sit next to me. Like RIGHT next to me. Sometimes you’ll want to hold my hand and be my boyfriend. I have to remind you that I’m your sister and that you’d rather have it that way. If you were my boyfriend, I could get rid of you. If I’m your sister, I can’t get rid of you. I’m stuck with you forever.

I wish you didn’t have dementia, but you do. Life is hard for you but we try to make it as easy as possible. You get to hang out with Grandma Marion a lot. She loves you and loves taking care of you. She spoils you, actually. She makes you really good meals and lets you read out loud. You LOVE to read out loud. 

There’s much more I want to tell you, Brother, but it’s hard for you to understand so I try to keep it simple. You are loved by many. You are safe with your family. You can trust that your family is doing everything we can to take care of you. Your story is being written by God. You are, and always will be, my favorite little bubba. Happy 29^th Birthday.

Love, Sister.     

Marcus goes in for an MRI on Nov. 16th at the University of Washington. This MRI is looking specifically for Dementia-related progress. In Marcus' case, we should be able to see how much he has digressed or how much his brain has changed from original tests that were performed. He will also be going in for Genetic testing at the beginning of the year. I will be sure to update everyone when these results are found! 

  

Answers to Our Questions - A Visit to UCSF

On June 23, 2016, Mom, Marcus and I traveled to the University of California San Francisco’s Memory and Aging Clinic. The day started out with a 1.5 hour cognitive test with one of three doctors that Marcus would see. We arrived at the hospital at 8am and by 8:30am, Marcus was in the back testing. We knew it was going to be a long day for him and we could tell that he was mentally tired after that first test. Once this test was over, Dr. Collin, a resident doctor, called us back into a room where we went through Marcus’ entire history. Mom had sent over his records in advance and they had done their homework on him. Dr. Collin asked SEVERAL questions about each stage of his life, preparing to give a report before the main doctor, Dr. Michael Geschwind, came to evaluate Marcus. Once the questions were done, he performed a few physical tests on him where Marcus had to follow directions with different body movements. He struggled with these simple instructions – at one point, the doctor had mom and I performing the exercises in order to help Marcus out. The simple “follow my lead” instructions are very difficult for Marcus at this point.

After meeting with Dr. Collin for a few hours, we had a lunch break before seeing Dr. Geschwind. As with the previous doctors, Dr. Geschwind had done his research on Marcus’ situation and had met with Dr. Collin to discuss at length the previous few hours. They both came to the same conclusion – Marcus is indeed suffering from Progressive Dementia and it is progressing. A year ago, Marcus had a cognitive test done where he scored a 30 out of 100. This is an extremely low score. After the cognitive test was done at UCSF, Marcus scored a 19 – he has dropped 11 points in approximately 1 year. This was not surprising to us, however, as we have seen the deterioration happening.  

When looking at Marcus’ past medical records, Dr. Geschwind noticed his MRI that was done in 2008 was not “normal” for a 20 year old – he explained that at that age, the brain should be “tight” with no unusual coloring. Marcus’ brain did not look like this. It was more “spread out” with space in between. He also had “discoloring of white matter” on one area of his brain. Dr. Geschwind wants another MRI done as soon as possible.

We will also be having an extensive genetic test done – this will give us an idea on whether or not the dementia was brought on by his previous health issues (heart surgery, head concussions) or if this is somehow genetically-related. There is no family history of Dementia on either side of the family, therefore making it that much more complex.

Since his practice is in San Francisco, Dr. Geschwind is wanting all of the tests to be done at the University of Washington. The tests will then be sent to him once they are completed. Depending on what is found will determine how soon we go back to San Francisco. We are hoping to get these tests done by Fall.

One of the first questions Dr. Geschwind asked us was “what do you hope to get out of this appointment?” Although a somewhat complex question, the answer was simple. 1) We wanted to get confirmation from the top doctors in the field that this is, in fact, Progressive Dementia. 2) We are seeking to find the reason behind why, at such a young age, Marcus got this disease, and finally 3) what our options will be moving forward. We were very satisfied with the answers Dr. Geschwind gave us and feel very confident in working with him moving forward. He answered the first question which enables us to fully plan for Marcus’ future. We have much to learn and will continue to seek out resources. Dr. Geschwind is very intrigued by his case as well and is dedicated to helping us determine what caused this disease. As we settle in on determining the unanswered questions, we will find what options we have. Dr. Geschwind has many colleagues whom will also look at Marcus’ case as they work together.

When discussing the options moving forward, Dr. Geschwind, was honest in saying that there is most likely no cure or reversing this disease. He didn’t want to give false hope, which we appreciate. We have accepted this. We understand that God has different plans for Marcus and we will continue to share his story. What Dr. Geschwind did promise, however, was to use his knowledge and resources in helping Marcus and our family with some answers, tools and direction moving forward.

I’ve been very fortunate to be able to travel home every weekend since May in order to help with Marcus and see my Grandpa before he passed away. My job has been very accommodating and I’m thankful for that.  

It’s been a tough month for our family. Many of you know that my Grandpa Darrell Mills (Mom’s father) passed away on Father’s Day. He was diagnosed with cancer in April and fought a hard battle for 2 months. My family, along with a few other relatives, were able to be in the room when Grandpa passed. Above all, he wanted to make sure Grandma was going to be taken care of and we assured him we would make sure she was. In six months, my Grandma lost her sister, a brother and now her husband. Her perseverance has been inspiring for all of us. She plays a huge role in Marcus’s life as his 2^nd caregiver. Despite how difficult it is to care for Marcus at times, we are hoping he continues to bring her laughter.  

Thank you for your continued prayers, support and friendship. You are a blessing to us!  

 

     

Our family took a road trip to Canada over the 4th of July - here are a few pics! 

     

The Ever-Changing Personality

I will often get text messages from my mom on what kind of day its been for her and Marcus. Lately, "its been a rough day" has been the usual message. Marcus' fun-loving, goofy, happy self is still around, but an angry, confused and often irate Marcus is coming out more and more. The simple things confuse him, often leading to yelling, swearing and many times, crying. It's a vicious cycle that is unpredictable.

This video was taken by my dad on Valentines Day, 30 minutes after Marcus had an outburst of anger that included yelling, swearing and crying uncontrollably. Once he is calmed down, it is all forgotten (for him anyway - it's not so easy if you are the one he is screaming at). We are still learning what sparks this in Marcus but there is no pattern, no sign. It truly is unpredictable. We have found that a change in environment often triggers certain behaviors. Over the Christmas vacation, I witnessed a few of his meltdowns. It is truly sad. The confusion in his eyes is so evident, despite a constant effort to make things as clear as possible for him. He will never get it. It's much like a two-year old having a temper tantrum, except you can pick up the toddler and control his actions. We can't do that with Marcus. We have to let him "cry it out".

Through a connection of a relative in Idaho, I have been in touch with a doctor at the University of California, San Francisco's Memory and Aging Center. Dr. Bruce Miller is the Director of the UCSF Dementia Center, and a leading doctor in research programs at UCSF. He is very interested in Marcus' case and has agreed to evaluate him. Once the paperwork is complete, our family will be making travel arrangements to San Francisco. In communicating with the nurses, Marcus will go through a serious of studies, tests and evaluations that will last one week, with one of the leading memory and aging programs in the country. Our hope is to gain a better understanding of what is causing the ever-changing decline in Marcus, as well as understand what to prepare for in the coming future.

After hearing updates on Marcus, many of you mention how difficult it must be. You are right. It is hard. It's a constant worry. It is exhausting. Mom's every day routine can be determined by Marcus' choice of what kind of day he is going to have. However, we thank God everyday for family. Mom and Dad get a few days off when he stays with my Grandma Marion. He has his own room that has many similar features of his room at Mom and Dad's place. It truly takes a village to care for this child. Although I'm not with him on a daily, I know how exhausting it is to care for him.

Yet, despite all of this, God is still good! He is still in control and He is still working. It is often hard to see past our current situation. Things are declining. Doctors don't have answers. We feel stuck. God, however, is working. As I look back on my personal journey, I've realized that God has worked behind the scenes in many areas of my life, and when I questioned why things were the way they were, He revealed the bigger picture. I believe that is what God is doing now. It is easy to lose hope, but God says to trust in Him. We don't have any other choice. We have to trust that each connection we make, each appointment that is made and each doctor that we see will all be a puzzle piece in Marcus' story.

Until then, we will pray hard, believe what we are praying and keep going. 

       

An Important Doctor's Visit

Our family went to Harborview Medical center on Nov. 16 to see Dr. Ruth Kohen. She specializes in memory and brain wellness and was referred by Marcus’ primary care doctor. Before meeting with the doctor, we met with the resident physician who asked a series of questions. She first started with Marcus, asking him what his day-to-day looked like, if he had trouble remember things, etc. To our surprise, he let her know that he had an office job (he didn't mention anything about being a Cardiologist like he did the day before). He answered the questions in a very matter-of-fact kind of way.  We had to restructure many of the questions that was asked so that he could understand what exactly she was asking. Very simple questions were difficult for Marcus to understand. 

After visiting with the resident physician and Marcus getting his "interview" questions, Dr. Kohen then joined the meeting. She had all of Marcus' medical records from previous doctors, which was very comforting for us. After much discussion and going through several pieces of information, she stated that although Marcus has many of the same traits and behaviors as someone with Dementia, she does not believe that what he is facing is simply dementia. She believes that he has a major neurodegenerative disorder that has started in early adulthood and continues to progress. She stated that most neurodegenerative disorders that affect memory share many of the same features of dementia such as confusion, memory loss, agitation, and irrational behavior, to name a few. If Marcus was man in his 80's, she wouldn't hesitate to diagnosis him with Dementia. Since he is so young, she believes this type of decline is due to a neurological disease that imitates dementia. At this time, we are being referred to the UW Adult Autism Clinic, also known as the Adult Developmental Disease Clinic where we hope to get some answers as to why he is progressing and what may be causing this. 

I asked the doctor what she felt the next couple of years would look like and she didn’t know. At best, she hopes that the Adult Autism Clinic would be able to have a treatment plan for us to help manage things. Although that is unlikely, she said that was her most optimistic answer. Her more realistic answer was that Marcus will continue to decline, especially because it is unknown as to what is causing the downhill progression. She is hopeful that the Adult Autism Clinic would be able to provide more resources for long-term care and can conduct more in-depth testing of the brain.

Surprisingly, there were not too many tears shed. We have gone through difficult doctors’ appointments such as these and although there are so many unknown’s, we feel we are headed in the right direction to get a clear prognoses on what Marcus’ future will look like. We know that we have a role in all of this - we will continue to seek the right doctors and move forward in finding answers. In the meantime, God gives us strength, comfort, and patience for Marcus' ever-changing behaviors.