Christmas in Holland - McGillivray Christmas Letter

I can't believe its been almost a YEAR since I've updated this blog! Life is crazy, to say the least. I am now engaged to a wonderful man and am planning for a wedding. The journey with Marcus continues to be a roller-coaster - a ride that has no pattern. There are peaks and there are valleys. Marcus has gone through a series of genetic testing in order to help find answers as to why he is declining. Medications have been changed to try to help alleviate his anger outbursts. He continues to be more confused. Grandma and Mom had a conversation not too long ago of what his future is going to look like. It is unknown. It's even scary. But just when we find ourselves dwelling on these thoughts, we remember "But God." But God has a plan. But God has His hand on this journey. We always come back to "But God."

Marcus turned 30 this year! We had to remind him several times that it was his birthday. He's really not big on presents either (saves us all money though!). For his birthday, I made him a video of some of his favorite people telling him happy birthday. You can see his video under "Home Videos".

Mom's Christmas letter this year was inspired by a book she was reading, a book recommended by a friend. We pray this story is able to help you see things from a different perspective, no matter what difficult journey God has you on.

Do you know any control freaks? People who think they can control everything that is happening in their life and the life of their family? Someone who, all their life, thought that “When I grow up, I’m going to have a ‘normal’ family. A daughter, a son, then eventually a son or daughter-in-law, grand kids, an empty nest feeling of sadness, but then that passes and you enjoy being alone with your spouse. You get the visits from your children and grandchildren, but then they go to their own homes and your life is your own again.” Well I know someone just like that. It’s me! Or should I say it’s “kinda” not me anymore. I still have a finger or two holding on, but not too tight. It has been almost 10 years since Gary and I received the news of Marcus being diagnosed with Progressive Dementia. So many things have happened in these 10 years. Many, many good things, yet we are seeing a decline and I fight the battle of worrying daily about what is next.   I recently was reading a book that a friend gave me and I know for a fact that God had prompt her to give it to me. There was a chapter I was reading that totally made things clear to how I have been feeling and I just started to cry, or should I say, sob. It was describing me to a "T". I want to share it with you because I know that this can change a perspective for so many others journeying through life.

“When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy.

You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Colosseum. The Michelangelo. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.

It’s all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags, and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland??” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland, and there you MUST stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a “different” place. You must go and buy new guide books. You must learn a whole new language. You will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around……and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills…Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But….everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. For the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned!” The pain of that will never, ever, ever, go away….because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, very lovely things….about Holland.

(Author: Bill Bohline)

There are just some things I can’t control. I have learned that God does not deliver us all to Italy. Some of us wind up in Holland. There we will discover new things we never expected and we also learn that God speaks Dutch as well as Italian. In my early twenties, I was headed for “Italy”. Bags packed and on the plane. I was in control. I then landed in “Holland”. I didn’t get what I had wished for, but I now feel I have been given more than I had hoped for.

Gary and I want to live life to the fullest. Instead, we got life with Marcus and “the fullest” just means a little different than what we or some might think. If you’ve been around us lately with Marcus, you may have to exercise patience and understanding.  It’s getting hard to be in public or in a group setting with him. His filter is pretty much gone and he is very confused and gets agitated very easily. However, he is for the most part a very happy young man, and I pray that Gary and I can express to him how much we love him.

Marcus is, however, very excited about gaining a “brother-in-law” soon. We are beyond grateful and happy to have Jamaal Walton as our future son-in-law. He is truly a faithful man of God and his extended family is beyond wonderful. We look forward to seeing you all at the big celebration in June 2018.

Merry, Merry Christmas to you all! Because of all of you, our hearts are continually being blessed.

Gary & Jan